Croydon, England – An unemployed British man is believed to be the last person left alive to publicly admit that he still finds The Lumberjack Song funny. It was assumed that no one had found the 1969 song even remotely amusing for at least three decades until evidence to the contrary came to light via a YouTube comment.
His comment was met with disbelief and swift rebuke from hordes of rabid commenters eager to show the deluded man the error of his ways. When he responded by asking why they were watching something they didn’t find funny he was told they were ‘hate watching.’
Ackerman seemed baffled by the concept, which only provoked more hatred until the incident spiralled out of control on a tsunami of rage and accusations of homophobia. Once it went viral he was contacted by the media and offered a chance to explain himself on a morning news programme. The ageing Python fan appeared bewildered by the vitriolic attacks as he sat in the studio and tried to justify his position.
“People these days wouldn’t know comedy if it hit them in the face with a cream pie,” he said without a trace of irony. “Not only is The Lumberjack Song poking fun at a working class man who likes to dress in women’s clothes, but it’s sung by a group of upper middle class men who made a career out of dressing in women’s clothes. How is that not funny?”
Ackerman denied all charges of being a clueless transphobic relic and insisted he had a brilliant sense of humour, which he demonstrated by ‘cracking’ jokes about how he hadn’t worked in years since he was ‘laid off’ from his job at a chicken factory. The man who’s been living in his mother’s basement since 1976 said he didn’t get out much anymore but also said it didn’t bother him.
“Mum still brings my meals down to me and Dad had a second lavatory installed there a few years ago before he died, so ever since I stopped showering I don’t even have to go upstairs anymore.”
When asked if he could imagine a time when he no longer found The Lumberjack Song funny, Ackerman thought it highly unlikely.
“Sometimes when I go to the lavatory I start singing the line from the song ‘I go to the lavatory’ and it makes it even more hilarious,” he said.
Ackerman went on to say that he had everything he needed in the basement except a girlfriend, sunlight, and dignity.