Baghdad – Recent university graduate Mustafa Mosa says he’s torn between becoming a mass murderer with ISIS and pursuing a career in stand-up comedy.
“I feel like I’m at a major crossroads in life,” said Mosa. “Part of me really wants to get out there on the battlefield and start killing people and another part of me just wants to kill at comedy clubs.”
Mosa says both options pose considerable hurdles that would be difficult to overcome.
“The main problem with ISIS is that the infidel dogs have got them on the run, so if I don’t join up now I might miss my chance to kill some of them. On the other hand, the stand-up comedy scene here is non-existent.”
With unemployment sky high in Iraq, Mosa admits that job prospects are also extremely limited.
“ISIS is financially appealing as well because they’re one of the few organisations that are still recruiting.”
Although Mosa is as passionate about the idea of murdering a crowd with a machete as he is with a microphone, he knows it might be tricky to do the latter among fanatics who often think having a sense of humor is punishable by death.
“I’d still like to keep my comedy chops up if I join ISIS, though I’ll probably have to stick to jokes about killing Americans,” said the 22-year-old realist. “Ideally I’d like the best of both worlds, a few years of unrestrained murder and mayhem to sate my rapacious blood-lust while saving enough money to move to the West so I can hit the open mic scene.”
Mosa claims that if he does choose stand-up, hecklers could expect no mercy, though it was still too early to say if bombing onstage would involve grenades.