Posted in Satire

Jeremy Corbyn admits he’s only in it for the chicks

In a bizarre meltdown, British Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has announced that he did not in fact get into politics to make a difference but to ‘pull the birds.’

Thrice-married Corbyn had just emerged from a vegetarian soup kitchen when he was ambushed by some reporters who began asking about his minimum wage proposal. Corbyn tried to walk away but they dogged him up the street until he snapped and turned on them like a rabid terrier.

“That’s it!” he screamed. “I’ve had it with you people!”

Corbyn then jumped up on a bench and launched into an extraordinary rant that was initially ignored by passerbys who assumed he was just a drunken tramp. A large crowd soon gathered however once they realised it was the leader of the opposition.

“Listen!” he screeched. “Do you really think I got into this game because I wanted to dedicate my life to championing equality and serving you lot? Don’t be ridiculous! I just wanted to pull the birds, but I was no good at sport and couldn’t sing or play an instrument so that left politics!”

Corbyn’s initial attempts to pick up chicks were hampered as much by his hobby of photographing old drains as by often looking as though he’d just crawled out of one. Once he found himself on the political frontlines and front pages however, his luck with the ladies began to change.

“Never underestimate the sex appeal of conspicuous outrage!” yelled Corbyn. “Chicks love a rebel, even one who prefers a pushbike to a motorbike.”


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