Posted in Satire

Woman loses job in high-end retail store for not being a big enough bitch

shop-assistantsBeverly Hills – 23-year-old Amanda Carlisle has lost her job in a luxury lingerie store for failing to be bitchy enough to the customers.

“Amanda did great in the interview,” said supervisor Claire Marshall, “but once she hit the floor it became clear that she wasn’t the bitch we thought she was.”

Apparently the Southern transplant was good at smiling coldly and implying that women were too fat for items they were interested in, but hadn’t mastered the art of snorting delicately in contempt and dismissing them with a withering glance when they asked for assistance.

“Just because you’re the biggest bitch in Oklahoma City doesn’t mean you can cut it out here in L.A. among the mega-bitches,” said former co-worker Penny Green.

Store owner Rachel Prestons explained her business model.

“I used my father’s money to open this store three years ago with the express purpose of turning away as many women as possible. We’ve worked hard to create an atmosphere of exclusive hostility where everything about us screams ‘go away, you’re not good enough,’ and unfortunately Amanda was undermining that.”

When asked about unwanted customers who can’t take a hint, Prestons said staff simply disappear into the backroom and watch them on the security monitors until they give up and leave.


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